hi there

ok - first of all - make sure you have read the new chapter below...

and then riddle me this...

why does everyone hate jude? what is it about her character that some of you hate so much? after im done writing the book, i will go over it and edit the shit out of it and i wanna make her less annoying for my readers (i seriously dont see her as annoying) - so tell me what it is about her that you all hate so much?

finally done! next chapter!!!!

She hugged her friend goodbye, watching her and her husband enter the airport, ready to check in for their flight. The chaotic busyness of Dubai International Airport wore her down, infusing in her mind a need for peace and quiet. Bed; a big fat pillow, a bucket of chicken and a good movie. I’m too tired for anything else.

With her feet almost dragging behind her, she slugged her way back to the car in the burning intense heat, wishing for a bucket of ice to stick her hot head into but found the closest comfort in the waves of air coming forth from the black slot in her car’s air-conditioner.

You’re so fat, she mentally told herself; staring into the rear view mirror after she pulled it down, wiping away with her sleeve at the rush of beaded sweat sitting on her brow. Too fat now. You do nothing but eat; eat and wait. Where has your career gone? Where is the English teacher that you used to be? Where has she gone?

Look at your life now; you have gone from being on the emergence of a respected career, happily married and foolishly secure to be being lost in the limbo of the relationship afterlife; no man, no husband, no male you can call your own or to lean on. You have no job; no money; nothing. You left your job behind to wind up alone and pregnant with no financial means to back yourself up. Where has the money you worked so hard to save up gone to? Where?

Look down to your shoes, look down to your bag, and look at what you are wearing. Your hard earned cash has been wasted in mere materials that will not help you when you really need it. Face it; you are broke. You don’t really own anything at all. Everything you have belongs to him; the man who doesn’t know whether he wants you and hasn’t even bothered to let you know where you stand.

You’re stupid. To give up what you had for something merely physical with a man who will never be solely yours. You lost out once again; the only difference being that this time it is entirely your own fault. It’s all on your shoulders, my Dear… my foolish Dear.

Pissed off with herself, she drove away, feeling crap inside about her own state and slightly melancholic about Layla’s brief leaving. Who can I talk to now? Can’t talk to Nur; she works for Nada. Can’t talk to Nada; she’s related to Faisal. Can’t talk to Faisal; he doesn’t want me. Can’t talk to Khalid; he is a dick. A dick that wants me to share half of my life with another woman.

Stupid Wife Collector.

Stupid me.

I am alone.

The only person who seems to listen to me is my cat, though it doesn’t talk back. Basically I’m fucked. Fucked, lonely and broke. Now I know what it means to be ‘up shit creek without a paddle’. I’m drowning in my own shit…

In her house, on her bed she sat; the oil-lined paper container of chicken sitting in her lap, greasing the semi-clean white sheets that she covered her white, round stomach. “Hope you like chicken, Kid” she said to unborn inside her, passing the piece of deep fried chicken breast past her lips, letting the oily dish slide down her throat with ease.

Her toes peeked out from beneath the end of the tangled sheet, wriggling as she moved and stretched the muscles in her feet and lower legs; the closest thing to a self-made massage that she could conjure upon her tired and seemingly heavy limbs. A yawn, a slight head stretch to the left and a physical sinking down deeper into the bed saw her slowly slip into slumber; the tiring pregnancy taking its toll on her energy levels. She switched her position to her side, pushing the box of greasy chicken away to make room for her boomerang shaped pillow, hugging it to her chest, leaning on it as she subconsciously used it as a temporary replacement for Faisal’s body.

The dreamless sleep she entered was eventually disturbed; bringing her out of her relaxed state to the high pitched sounds of her default ringtone. With a moan and half an awkward roll over, she moved towards the handbag that lay on the floor, scrambling around in the messy contents, searching for the mobile before the caller hung up. Her hands grasped it, bringing it up to her eyes to see a number she didn’t recognise; a set of digits that didn’t begin with either an Australian or an Emirati area code.

Who the hell is this? Better not be some bastard calling from India trying to sell me something. She clicked accept, putting the phone to her ear and speaking in a tired, slightly husky voice. “Hello?”

She was met with silence. No voice answered her, not a single sound could be heard.

“Hello?” she asked again, feeling bothered and rather annoyed at being woken up by the unresponsive caller. If this is some weirdo with his hands down his pants, then by God help me… “Are ya gonna answer or not?”

He cleared his throat, making a loud sound as he attempted to warm up his voice. “I missed you.”

Holy Shit. She dropped the phone, sending it falling to the carpeted floor. She stared at it in a dream-like state, shocked and in disbelief. The call ended as soon as the phone had hit the floor, prompting him to call back. He dialed again, feeling slightly shaky, nervous and unsure if what he was doing was the right thing or not. In the end he followed his heart, deciding to announce his head and rational thinking to be the loser.

The loud ringing broke her out of her semi-trance; the memory of his voice compelling her to pick up the ringing phone again. She bent down, scooping it up and rushing it to her ear. “Faisal?” she answered.

“Yes” he confirmed, smiling and enjoying the comfort that came with hearing her say his name again.

“Ha!” she exclaimed as she breathed out heavily, unable to form a proper response in her state of surprise. I have so many things to ask him but I don’t know where to start. I’m lost. His voice; been so long since I heard it. My God.

“That’s all you have to say?” he teased, trying to break the ice and the uncomfortable silence that had descended between the estranged pair. He sat on the beach, wiping away the tiny grains of sand that had attached themselves to his forehead; a result of praying on the tiny dunes that sat before the blue water that licked away at the shore. He prayed his obligatory prayer, adding another two rakat in for good measure; following the Sunnah, looking for guidance from his Creator before gathering the strength to call her.

“I say “I miss you” to you and you say “Ha!”?” he questioned, a little let down at her disheartening response to his declaration.

“Oh my God” she sighed, shaking her head, still in disbelief. “Wallahi I’m so happy. Really… so happy… and I… when you...” I don’t know where to begin. “I love you.”

“And?” he probed, not satisfied.

“And I’m so sorry. Wallahi, I’m so sorry.” Her words spilled forth like a woman begging, pleading for him to return. “Please come home. Please. Where are you? I’m so worried and I miss you so much. Please come home; I’m so lonely without you. I keep waiting for you to come home. I keep checking my emails…”

“I read them all.” He cut in.

“You did?” She sat up, her back straight as she prepared to hang onto his every word.

“Yes. I did.” He paused, digging his spare hand in the sand, feeling the coolness of the grainy particles slip through his fingers. “That’s why I called you. I tried to stay away – I swear I tried so hard – but as soon as I read them I knew I couldn’t forget you.”

“Oh my God Faisal!” Jude began to cry, moved to tears, full of relief. “Really – you don’t know how long I have been waiting for you to say this to me. The days are so long and boring and I keep counting day after day, worried that you won’t come back. I really started to believe that you wouldn’t.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to, but your emails…” he let on, satisfied with the tone in her voice and the urgency in her words that told him she needed him. “I love you Jude, but I don’t know if I can trust you.”

“You can! I swear you can!” She promised hurriedly, silently praying to God for his return. “Will you just come home, please? I don’t know what else to say to make you believe me; please just come home. Let me prove it to you with time.”

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked, changing the subject slightly. “When you found me cheating, what made you stay with me? I mean really… forget the other stuff you told me on the beach that time; what made you really stay?”

“Honestly?” she began, savouring his voice, wishing he could speak and have her just listen instead of responding. “Little by little I started to fall in love. You would do the smallest, simplest things that would just overwhelm me and I found myself not able to walk away from that.”

“And not able to stay either.” Faisal added, adding salt to the wound.

Jude kept quiet, not knowing how to answer. Ouch. I could spit out an equally accusative retort about him doing the same with Theresa but that would just make us go around and around in criticising circles and I want to fix this, I want to forget the past. Holding on to past grudges and mistakes won’t push us to progression. Just keep your mouth shut and win that boy back.

“Sorry.” Faisal said, mentally kicking himself for the unhelpful statement, realising by her silence that he may have cut deeper than he originally intended. That’s not helping. I don’t mean to sound like an arsehole, but I can’t help but to feel shitty about this still.

Jude half smiled to herself, awkwardly. “It’s fine.” Not really… but anyway, she thought to herself as she raised her eyebrows in his absence.

I wonder what her body looks like? Can you tell she has a villager’s spawn in there? “Are you big?” He bit his lip, waiting for the answer.

“What? Are you worried I got fat while you have been away?” She laughed, slightly nervously insulted at his question.

Pinching his big toe before him, he leaned forward then leaned back, resting his back on the soft shore; wispy bits of grainy sand swirling around his neck and face. He took a short breath in, disgusted at the procured image of her holding a swollen stomach, walking around with another human inside of her. “I mean your stomach. Does it show? Is it big?”

Jude looked down to the bulge that sat underneath her recently enlarged breasts. Should I tell him the truth? Should I? “Somewhat” she lied, tapping a finger, one-by-one, over the large mound.

The heat boiled up inside him, sending him wanting to scream out in a mix of tormented anguish and utter rage. “I can’t look at you the same Jude. I just can’t.”

She remained silent, disheartened and hurt by his words, especially since he had done the same to her; the only difference being he could never get pregnant. Finally she spoke. “Are you gonna punish me for my affair, just because mine had an outcome?”

Faisal swallowed his own saliva, acknowledging her point but unable to agree. “I don’t know…”

“Faisal…” she started, pissed off about being left in the dark for so long, only to be left dangling once again. “You can’t do this to me. I’m sorry I got pregnant – I didn’t plan for it – but it could have just of easily happened with Theresa and if it did, you would have still begged me to stay, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes” he whispered, barely audible. He sat up, hanging his head down in an unapologetic bow, still raging inside from the imagined scenes that ran through his head of his wife with someone else. “I can’t help it…”

“I know, I know. Wallahi I know” she began to slowly stress out again; her soul full with regret. “But I can’t help it either. I’m so imperfect and sometimes I just hate myself for everything; for being so weak and so stupid; for letting my emotions drive my actions and not my head. I’m so stupid and I know that and you know that, but you can’t hate and punish me forever. I have to know where I stand Faisal and if you don’t want me then tell me and let me go and I will leave. But if you do want me, then please come home. I can’t stay here any longer waiting for you, not knowing what’s going to happen or when you will come back.”

He thought on it for a while, gathering his thoughts as she sat quietly, waiting for him. I want to see her. I want to hold her again, but as soon as my hands or my eyes go over that stomach I know I will either vomit or fire up. Jude… Jude… Jude… “I’m just afraid.”

“Of what in particular?” she laughed, mentally counting the long list of mishaps, events and issues that were to come. The baby. Fixing our marriage. Trust issues. Raising someone else’s child. Forgiving each other… where do I start?

“I feel like it is half my fault.” He paused, preparing himself to release his thoughts to her. “I blamed you completely for it all, but after having some time to think I keep coming to the conclusion that if you didn’t see me with the maid and if I didn’t go near her then maybe you wouldn’t go back to him. I keep telling myself that you left Australia to be away from him…”

“And I did. I swear that I had no idea he was here and that I will never see him unless you are with me and only because of the baby. You believe me right?” she cut in, reaffirming her earlier oath.

“I do believe you and I believe in coincidence...” he argued, “…but this one is just too huge; you and him back in the same place?” He shook his head, thinking to himself Subhanna’Allah! “Anyway, that aside, I feel like you went to him because of what I did. That maybe if I worked harder in our marriage; if we both did; then that day you came back to the house we could have perhaps had a fresh start, then none of this bullshit would’ve happened.”

She sat still, moving back up the bed, fixing pillows under herself to gain more of a comfortable position, readying herself for what eluded to be a long conversation. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Huh?” Faisal said, stunned. “You mean you would’ve done it anyway?”

“No, nah.” She shook her head, calming him down. “Not like that. I mean everything happens by Allah’s decree. If this is to be my child, then it is to be my child. God gave me this life inside me for whatever reason. However it came about, he entrusted me with another human being’s life. I don’t believe anything is an accident, Faisal. For whatever reason, no matter what struggles or heartbreaks I had to go through, for some reason he wanted me to have this child.”

Silently, forebodingly he thought, and then announced his thinking to his wife. “Our life… the will of Allah.”

“The will of God” she repeated, humbly.

“Hmm…” he hummed, staring ahead. “What if it is Allah’s will that we divorce? That I never see you again?”

Jude gulped, stopping herself from crying, containing the choking feeling in her throat enough for her voice to not come out sounding strained. “Then we have no say in the matter, no matter how much we try.” She shrugged, wishing it wasn’t the case.

“What if it is Allah’s will that we stay together and somehow… I don’t know how though… but somehow figure out a way for this whole mess to work?” He asked, saying his words surely yet slowly.

“Don’t play with me Faisal” she warned, too upset and no longer able to hide her emotion in her tone. Be brave. Don’t hold your tongue anymore. It won’t get you anywhere. “Stop hanging me out to dry. Just tell me what you want to do. If you want to leave then let me go, because I can’t stand this endless waiting, especially if it is going to be a no. So tell me… I can’t keep waiting. What’s it gonna be?”

He sat silently for the longest forty seconds that Jude had ever encountered before. She sat, listening to the wind playing against his phone, waiting for an answer. Finally he cleared his throat, wiped the sand out of his hair and spoke. “I don’t know how to say it to you…”

Oh, God no. Her head swam around her, the room began to spin. Oh, shit. I don’t want to hear this. Not at all. Not one bit. “I can’t… I can’t.” She hung up, closing the calls as she sat forward, her belly resting on her thighs. She breathed fast, shallow breaths, unable to take oxygen in normally. I think I am having a panic attack. I can’t deal with this. She sat back, telling herself to breathe deeper, more calmly. Eventually she relaxed herself enough to get her breathing under control, finally allowing herself to begin the powerful weeping, grieving session.

Faisal, upset at her hanging up, immediately called her back. Jude stared at the number on her phone not wanting to answer it. He is just going to say goodbye and I can’t handle it right now. Why you gotta do this to yourself Jude? Why? You stuffed everything up! She beat herself around the head, self-loathingly.

Faisal hung up and called again; a further six times. Jude continued to ignore it, eventually resigning herself to her fate. If he is going to say it, then he is going to say it. Ignoring him won’t make it go away. Just be brave, answer the damn thing and let him let you go. Allah’s will, right? She answered, wiping away at the wetness on her face. “Just say it.”

“I’m so pissed off at you right now!” he yelled, on the verge of laughing at her for not letting him speak. “I just want to say one thing and then khalas. The conversation can be over, if you like.”

“Say it”, she demanded. “I can’t wait any longer.” She sighed, getting ready for him to release the word ‘talaq’ and end their marriage.

He breathed in loudly, dramatically for effect. “Stop talking and let me say it.”

“Go.” She sat up, clenched her mouth shut and forced herself not to speak. It may be the last time I hear his voice. Take it in.

“Ok.” He breathed in again, acting to fool her. “Ah, Jude. I don’t know how to say this…” he led her on, expecting her to act strong but then to crumble. I want to toy with her ever so slightly. “Jude… I want you to…” he strayed, leaving the sentence open.

“Fuck you, just say it!” she blurted out, unable to control herself.

He laughed, confusing her, amused at her outburst. “I want to tell you that unfortunately…” he paused again for effect and to strengthen the suspense, “…I booked a flight and I’m coming home to you tomorrow.”

hi there JS JUNKIES!

posting new chap in 10 minutes - just editing fellas and ladies!

hello you raging addicts

GUYS - HAVE SOME PATIENCE.

i am just so busy these days. i think i spoiled you by giving you a new chapter everyday (most blogging authors do a chapter a week - if that!) when i wasnt working. back then i had all the time in the world to write; hence me putting them out like clockwork.

right now im working full-time, plus doing unpaid overtime once im home (the joy of being a teacher and having to do lesson plans) so i dont have anywhere as much time as i used to have.

please just have a little patience with me - i have a lot on my work plate at the moment and will get around to it when i can.

also - this whole little story is a creative outlet for me and sometimes i feel like im pressured into handing out the new chap and sometimes the pressure makes me write shitty chapters that i do quickly just to get them done, instead of hashing out the exact story i want.

please please please please have patience with me and this story! i know some of you guys are eager to find out what happens next (im the same with the blogging book Desperate in Dubai) but please understand i have a very busy life at the moment and that these chapters dont take a mere ten minutes to right.

thanks guys... promise to work on some more tonight for you!

next chap

Khalid drove fast through the heavy traffic, trying to keep up with her, determined not to lose her amongst the throngs of cars that lined the roads. He swore and cursed to himself as he got stuck behind three cars who all took their time crossing the busy intersection. Eventually he caught up, driving right behind her, following her back to her home.

As she slowed down in her street, unaware that it was him behind her; her sudden lack of speed instructed Khalid to hold back, drive slower and watch to see which house she entered.

She indicated and veered off the street as he watched her turn in her small yard, spying the apricot coloured home that housed her. He must be rich. I can’t afford anything like that. I could never afford anything like that. Is that why she stays? For security? Does she stay because he can provide all this and I never could?

I can barely even afford my plan to marry both of them and keep them in different places… but I still have to make it work somehow. I can’t live my life knowing she isn’t with me; knowing that I have the opportunity to own her again…

He stopped his car on the side of the street that opposed the house, turning the key in the ignition towards him, stopping the engine. He took the keys out, the silver metal contrasting against his tanned skin, opened the car door to get out and then shut it quickly, spying a small beige car pulling up to Jude’s driveway; its colour blending in with the hues of the street.

Khalid watched as a woman got out, pushed her way through the gate and disappeared on the other side. Who is that? Hmm… I will wait. As soon as she leaves I will go in and talk to Judie again…

After a long twenty-five minutes of sitting in the hot car, Khalid decided not to wait any longer and to come back later to ask her again. Whoever that woman was, she could be there for hours. You know women. Always talking. Talk, talk, talk.

I will give my Judie time; time to think and analyse things. I’m sure she will come back to me with a pleasing answer. We can then go from there and organise her divorce to that arrogant excuse of a replacement and then she can finally be back with me like she is supposed to be…

He drove off, sure of himself, of his plan and of the self-convinced certainty that she would sacrifice having to share him for the sake of their union.

Back in her house, Jude sat shocked, her hand over her mouth, all of a sudden upset and even more emotional. “You’re leaving? When?”

“Tomorrow.” Layla answered, feeling touched at her friend’s reaction. “It is only for a few months; just so my husband can spend time with his family back in America.”

“But why so suddenly? You never mentioned anything before…” Jude said, feeling sad that her only true friend would be leaving when she needed companionship the most. My only friend. Nada is my friend as well, but I can’t disclose everything to her like I can with Layla. If I told her about the baby then she would probably kill me herself…

Layla dragged her feet up onto the couch, getting comfortable as she lay back against the giant orange hued cushions. “I need a break from everything here. This whole situation with my family is too much. Sometimes it gets to me so badly that I pack up and leave.”

“That’s the only reason?” Jude asked, realising for the first time how tired Layla had looked recently.

“Mike feels the same, plus he misses his family. It’s so hard for him having to live here. He hasn’t assimilated into Emirati life very easily, he misses America and I need a break; so we will go.” She smiled, looking forward to her journey that would begin the next morning. “Plus, I wouldn’t mind just hanging out at his family’s house in the country… It would be nice to see nothing but green, animals and lots of land for a change. I get sick of these concrete buildings and the superficial fakeness that goes on here. “What are you wearing? Look at the car I drive. Look at all my money!” I’m sick of it. I need to revive my soul.”

“Wow.” Jude smiled, understanding and sympathising with her need for personal break. “I wish I could go with you.”

Layla smiled back, feeling pity for her friend. “No news from Faisal yet?”

Jude slightly smirked, shaking her head softly. “No, but my Ex asked me to be his second wife.”

Layla burst out laughing, shocked and in awe of her friend’s dramatic life. “Are you kidding me? I hope you told him to fuck off.”

“Not in those exact words; but pretty much.” Jude laughed, finally releasing the angry tension that had built up inside her, letting it be free and relieve itself in the form of a laugh. “He is an idiot. A complete idiot. I don’t know why he would even actually believe for a second that I would agree to such a stupid arrangement.” She continued laughing, rolling her eyes.

“But what if Faisal never comes back? Would you consider it then; I mean you are having his child.” Layla directed her gaze to Jude’s stomach, waving at the small bump.

Jude waved back, giggling and then thinking seriously about her options. “I don’t want to even consider the possibility that Faisal doesn’t want me.”

She can’t live her life like this; waiting and waiting for a man who might not ever come back for her. “You have to be realistic, Jude.”

Jude nodded her head, always aware of the possibility. “I know.” I know too well; yet I still keep my hope. He still hasn’t spoken to me or even read my emails, but letting me stay on our house gives me some slim chance of hope, doesn’t it?

“If you knew for sure that Faisal wasn’t coming back, would you consider Khalid’s proposal?” Layla asked, making sure Jude didn’t cut her options short. “Because if he doesn’t come back, then you really need to think about it.”

Jude closed her eyes briefly, opening them again after her short deliberation. “No.” She shook her head, looking directly at Layla. “I will always love Khalid but I could never share him. I would either go crazy or kill either her or him. Nope, couldn’t do it.” She sighed, sticking to her original decision. “Would you want Michael sharing himself and his bed with some other woman?”

“I would kill myself.” Layla answered almost automatically, expecting the question. “It would break my heart.”

“Hmm.” Jude nodded in agreement, sharing her sentiments. “Besides, there is no shame in being a single mother.”

Layla agreed, nodding, adding the truth. “But it will be so hard; you will always be struggling.”

“Perhaps.” Jude shrugged, beginning to realise what she may have to deal with. “But I would rather be that and worry only over my child than have to live my life on one huge emotional rollercoaster all because my husband is legally bedding someone else. I know in Islam it is halal for him to live that way, but I have a choice in the matter and my choice is to say no. Marriage to me is between one man and one woman only; and I know that sounds hypocritical coming from my mouth considering I cheated on my husband, but I really believe that.”

“I hear ya.” Layla agreed, smiling; thinking to herself what she would do if she was put in the same situation.

“Anyway, change of subject…” Jude waved the air in front of her, sick of thinking and discussing her private life. “…It is giving me a headache. Let’s talk about all the gifts you are going to give me from America when you come back.”

Layla laughed, stretching out her legs, putting them across Jude’s as she relaxed more, spending her last afternoon with a friend she wouldn’t see in a very long time…

Faisal stared at the computer screen, mentally blocking out the other customers in the Italian internet café. As he stared at his email inbox, seeing for the first time all of the emails he had tried so hard to stay away from; he blocked out the Italian dialect around him, he shut off the faces that sat near him and switched off the sounds of the busy coastal street outside.

He scrolled down through the page, reading the subject lines of each email his estranged wife had sent him. One by one, he read them all, ever so slowly; COME BACK – I NEED YOU, I LOVE YOU, WIFE WAITING, I’M SORRY, I WANT TO TALK, PLEASE DON’T FORGET ME, WHERE ARE YOU?, I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU, WHEN ARE YOU RETURNING?, I’M STILL HERE, EMPTY HOUSE, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, I SEE YOUR FACE EVERYWHERE, OUR BED MISSES YOU, DON’T FORGET ME, YOUR WIFE, LIFE ISN’T THE SAME, HOW ARE YOU?, DO YOU STILL THINK OF ME?, I PRAY YOU STILL WANT ME, MY ARMS MISS YOU…

He twitched his mouth, biting on the inside of his lower lip as he held back the heat behind his eyes that was warning him of the salty tears that were trying to break free and come forth. Not in public. Never in public.

The worn mouse clicked on each email, one by one, opening up her electronic letters to her love. Faisal intended to read every single one, determined not to cry in public, but his emotions got the better of him during the first opening; making decide this was an activity to be done in secret; some place where no one could see him or disturb him.

He got out of his seat, sending the mass of emails to the printer, paying the man at the desk a small fortune for the abundance of freshly printed white papers. With his sizeable stack of emails under his arm, he escorted himself out of the café and walked down to the edge of the coast, mentally preparing himself for an afternoon of sunset watching mixed with emotional letter reading.

After walking down a small, winding lost track, he found himself in a small enclosed section of beach that was covered on both sides by large rocks and masses of shrubs and trees; just enough coverage to secure his privacy.

His feet hit the light sand, slightly sinking into the grainy softness as he journeyed the small distance to a patch of whiteness that was unspoiled by seaweed and other sea matter. Sitting down he put the shoes that he carried to the side, leaned back against the large rock behind him and began reading the printed emails, one by one.

He poured himself over her words, cried himself over her pleas and smiled, even giggling, to himself over the emails in which she had typed up an account of her day that usually explained nothing but re-washing the clean clothes he had left behind, shining his shoes that remained and folding his jeans back into his drawers, spraying her perfume on every pair.

"Just so you never forget my scent. I even cleaned all of your sunglasses; that took me about three days. You really have too many to count, my beautiful Faisal."

He laughed at her words, at the silliness of her cleaning his things that were already clean. Priorities change. He thought to himself, realising he had only taken one simple pair with him on his escape from the U.A.E. Life changes; nothing goes as how you planned it.

He got to the last few emails, coming across the third last email she had sent him. He read her message; another letter pleading for him to come home; pleading for him to forgive her, asking him to be by her side no matter what. He read it once, reading it again aloud for himself.

“…I don’t know how having this baby will work. I have no idea how things will be; maybe we can organise a way so the baby’s father can see his child without me having to be there. We can sort all this out together. Please just come home. I promise I will never see him again. NEVER. WALLAHI. I know it will be hard. I know it will be so confusing, difficult and infuriating, but I can’t not have you in my life Faisal. Please come home to me. Please. Let’s start over. I gave you a chance after the Theresa incident, please give me a chance. That is all I ask; just one chance. I will prove to you I will never do you wrong again. I PROMISE!”

"Baby's Father." He said to himself. She is purposely not mentioning his name. He thought on it, laid his head back on the rock, closed his eyes and thought some more; opened them and stared out to sea, still thinking. This baby changes everything. No matter what angle I look at it from; me cheating on her, me being a hypocrite, her cheating on me, forgiveness, revenge, trust… not matter what way I work at it to solve it; the damn baby always sits in the middle of it and blocks any chance I have to give.

How can I live my life housing some other man’s child? Would it call me ‘father’? Would I be forced to love it? What would happen if I spent my life hating it? Is it fair for me? Is it fair for the child? Why am I in this situation?

He picked up the last email, the one he had yet to read. With the paper in his hands, he scanned the contents. No words appeared; no text was written. No pleading, no begging, no asking of him to return; the page only contained one thing; her image.

The image she had uploaded to the computer and sent to him as an email was a recent picture of herself. In it she sat on their bed, holding the camera above her, at a downward angle, showing only her face that smiled with a sad hope in her eyes and a small pink smile.

He scanned her face like a photocopier trying to process visual information. She has gained a little weight. Her cheeks are slightly fuller; chubbier; rounder… yet still as gorgeous as ever… must be the pregnancy. I guess I have that pyramid building bastard to thank for that. He spat on the ground, dispelling his disgust.

But her face. Her eyes; they look so sad without me. Does she really me need me like she claims she does? Is she really sorry? Does she mean it when she promises to never see him again? Can I trust her to keep her promise? Can I ever trust her again?

I don’t know. I thought by now, after all the time I have spent away from her, that I would know how I felt or what to do or where to go from here, but I don’t. All I know is that I have been fighting myself every day to not call her, to stay away until I came up with an answer, but I have no answer. I know nothing. I have come to no conclusion, only that I love her and that I can’t find peace here in this Mediterranean wonderland.

THE MAIN PLAYERS

THE AUSTRALIANS

Jude

Mel

Ishak

Hamid

THE EMIRATIS

Layla

Nada

Faisal

THE EGYPTIANS

Khalid

Amal

finally - here it is

Hamid knocked on her front door, rapping a small tune with his knuckles. “I hope you remember to get dressed this time.” He joked as he waited for her to answer the door, standing outside in olive coloured pants, a grey and white striped jumper, grey thongs and matching aviator sunglasses.

“See for yourself.” She answered from behind the front door to her apartment, opening it to reveal herself standing in a loose, light grey skirt that flared at the hem, covered by a long-sleeved, light beige coloured rolled neck top that sat below a peachy hued hijab; finished off with silver sandals and a stylish light brown messenger bag.

“Dressed.” He answered, running his eyes over her outfit. “Dressed pretty too.”

Mel beamed, secretly satisfied with his approval considering she spent the last week going through outfits, changing her mind and her no so final decisions over and over again. Once she had her first outfit ready, she had to start on organising her outfit for the rest of the time spent with his family.

Mel had agonised over every detail, constantly asking Hamid if mother was strict on Muslim girls wearing pants, whether she preferred them in abaya or long skirts as a minimum. Hamid laughed off her worries, reassuring that her mother was not in the least bit strict and didn’t even wear hijab herself as she wasn’t too religious. Hamid’s father, on the other hand, was and kept the Islamic spirit in the house by himself, instructing the children in their religion since birth.

“Did you bring the rainbow pyjamas?” He leant and asked teasingly, catching the large tote bag Mel shoved at his chest after taking in his question. She raised her eyebrows while grinning, allowing him to unzip the tote, peeking inside and spying half a folded rainbow peering from underneath an extra pair of shoes and her makeup bag.

Hamid nodded his head in approval, moving aside to let her pass, locking the front door and following behind him down the stairs to the street. “You got everything?” He asked, questioning her as he walked in front.

“Yep.” She answered, forgetting her phone on her bed.

Mel followed Hamid to his parking space, spying two young women waiting in the backseat. “My sisters wanted to come for the ride.” He stated, noticing her confused look.

“Oh.” Mel mumbled, starting to feel even more nervous. Ah... this is kinda awkward. I hate meeting ‘the family’. She waited by the car, smiling nervously at the two girls as Hamid popped her bag in the boot of the car. He returned, getting in the driver’s seat and motioning for her to enter. She opened the door, turned her head over the backseat, saying a nervous hello to Hamid’s sisters and sitting in the front passenger seat, securing her seatbelt in place.

“You’ve already talked to Zaynab before.” Hamid mentioned, moving his head in the direction of the oldest girl in the backseat. Zaynab was twenty-two, with the same complexion of Hamid, the same blue eyes that were framed with long black lashes, except she had a more pinky coloured lip that was accentuated by the rose coloured hijab that framed her face, slightly chubby cheeks and the slightest rise of a bump in her nose that instead of hindering her beauty, added to it. She pushed the light brown glasses up her nose a bit, past a few freckles, smiling at Mel and repeating her greeting again as she tugged at the sleeve of her light pink abaya, fixing the thread of cotton that had come loose. She crossed her ankles, touching one white sandal to the other and began introducing her sister.

“And this is the trouble maker; Miss Deena.” Zaynab joked, looking at her younger sister as she introduced her to Mel.

Deena sat next to her sister with her brown yet blonde streaked hair dead straight thanks to a forty minute session with her hair straightener; looking the exacy opposite personality of Zaynab. Deena raised her very thin, dark drawn-in eyebrows over her handheld mirror, reapplying her bright red gloss to her lips and smoothing her hand over a pair of heavily bronzed cheeks. “Can we go already, ‘cause it is like so hot.” She licked her pinky finger, running it over one eyebrow, smoothing it down with her French manicured digit, letting it continue down near her fake channel earrings; her mass of fake gold bangles jingling as she snapped the small mirror closed, putting it back into her black studded leather bag.

Mel smiled at her, eyeing off her ripped tight skinny jeans, brown peep toe heels, draped loose black tank top and her mustard coloured short sleeved shrug. The only thing I like is her studded bag. She smiled, thinking her rude and superficial based on her look and words. This must be the infamous seventeen year old sister that Hamid says loves to live on the bad side of life... and in Supré by the looks of it...

********************************

Jude opened her email, clicking on the new message, disappointed that it was from Khalid and not from Faisal. When am I going to hear from him? She opened it, reading his message.

I want to see you. I am sorrie about last time. I tired to tells you but you don’t give me your number. Please see me at our coffee house. I will be waiting at 6. I want to see you to talk.

Love you,
Khalid.

She deleted the message, sitting back on her bed, plumping up the pillows that propped up her lower back. She squirmed, trying to get comfortable and help the pain subside. Oh God. I don’t want to see him again. I am so humiliated. I don’t want that happening again. I feel so dirty just thinking about it. Yuck. Ouch! Jude rubbed her lower back, the pain hitting her again like an intense symptom of her period. "What’s the time?" She asked herself as she rubbed her lower back, massaging in the hope of smoothing out the ache. 4:30. Well, I do have time to meet him and I have to tell him about this little child hanging out in my stomach...

She patted her tummy, smiling down at the small, yet growing bulge underneath her hand. "Wanna meet Daddy today?" She asked the small mound, waiting for a response, only being answered by more of the same dull pain in her back. I need pain killers, another trip to the toilet to pee for the fiftieth time today and a little lay down before I even attempt to go out and meet him.

After oversleeping, dressing slowly and snailing her way to the cafe, arriving twenty five minutes late; she spotted Khalid sitting nervously at a back table, dressed rather formally than usual in a black suit, light purple shirt and black, recently shined shoes. He smoothed down his collar, eyeing off Jude as she approached him.

He looks good. Almost too good - kinda like the day I met him - very suave Italian real estate agent. Smells good too. What is that scent he is wearing? I must get it for Faisal... "Are you going for a job interview or something? Shit, it’s hot." She waved down her face with the serviette that Khalid rested one hand on, sliding it from underneath his sweaty nervous palm and swooshing it in front of her face, creating a lazy breath of air.

"You want some water?" He asked, rushing to put his hand up and call over the waiter, signaling for a drink. Ok, make her comfortable and then ask. But don't rush it. Just ease into it. Don't scare her away.

Jude hid her large bag over her stomach, covering the small bump that was hidden under her extremely loose abaya. Let him get whatever he needs to say off his chest and then go right in and tell him you're pregnant. "What do you want to say? I can probably guess..." Something along the lines of "can't see you anymore... my wife is suspicious-slash-not-stupid and threatening to leave me so this is my time to say goodbye". Or something like that.

"You guess?" He asked, his heart beating fast inside his chest; the sweat flushing forth from his pores from nervousness, not from the heat. I have run this through in my head so many times and yet I still can't find the right way to ask her to be my second wife. Please Allah make this easy for me. Please make her accept it.

"Guess? It's obvious Khalid." Jude sipped the water as soon as it arrived on the table, smiling at the waiter as he cured her thirst.

"Really?" She is smiling. That must mean she will accept it. Thank Allah. He clasped his hands in front of him on the table, resisting the urge to pull the glass out of her hands so he could touch her.

"Yah." She put the glass down, feeling a sudden sense of melancholy at the man sitting in front of her that used to be hers. I have your baby. This is what I always wanted and the only thing I had asked God for; a very long time ago. Didn't expect it to turn out like this - Him and me married to other people. Not that I am ungrateful - I love Faisal. I want him... It is just not what I originally wanted. Khalid and I were meant to have our whole life together; not forced to say goodbye for good over a glass of water in some shitty cafe. She bit the inside of her lip, scared yet saddened that he had come to say his final goodbye to her - out of her life for good. But that will change when I tell him I'm pregnant. It has to change. He would never abandon me when he knows I have his child. "You want to say goodbye." She smiled, forcing herself to hide her deeper emotions.

"No!" Khalid reached forward, taking her hand in his, realising she had in truth no idea of why he had asked her to come see him. Wrong! So wrong... He rubbed the palm of his hand roughly against his forehead, leaning forward on the small table. She doesn't know, she doesn't know. This makes it harder. I want her to be my wife again - I never wanted to say goodbye to her in the first place, but she will never accept being a second wife. She will never share me. I don't blame her. I don't want to share her with another man... but if this is the only way we can be together than I must try my hardest to convince her it is the right way.

"I'm wrong?" Jude asked, shocked. I was so certain. Wow. Now I am really lost for ideas. What the hell does he want to talk about then? He can't seriously expect me to continue the affair. I want to stay married to Faisal so it is definitely not going to happen...

"Very wrong." He squeezed her hand before she quickly pulled it away, returning it to her lap. He gave a small upset attempt at a smile, unhappy with her slight rejection. Here goes... "I talked with my wife about you."

"Are you crazy?" Jude reeled, spitting out the first thought that came to her mind. "Do you want to get divorced?"

"I told her everything - about you were my wife." He began to explain. "We married before. I love you. She didn't speak to me for a long time. Then she came and..."

"...left you? Divorced you?" Jude guessed. This is it. She left him like any smart woman who had a cheating husband would and now he wants us back together now she has removed herself from the picture. Does he really think he can pick and choose me when he feels like it?

"No." He answered, not liking the mocking tone she delivered her words with.

"No?" Jude asked, surprised once again. Now I am definitely out of guesses. What does he want then?

"She came to me and we talked and decided..." Khalid breathed out heavily, nervously forming his words. "....I would marry you also." He looked intently at her face, waiting for her reaction.

Jude stared at him for a long thirty seconds, unsure of what she heard. "Also?" She finally asked. "Also?" She repeated, not liking the word one bit, taking it as a deep insult.

"You, me and her." He said it as simply as possible, as if rattling off a mathematical equation.

Jude shook her head, her eyebrows drawn in as she screwed her face up in disgust. "You can't be serious!" He has to be joking. He can't be serious... he is crazy...

"Not in the same house of course." He began to argue, trying to convince her. "You and I will live in different places to her and I will lives with you most of the times, but sometimes still see her, but I promise I will be with you most times." He put his heart to his chest, swearing to her, trying to convince her to reunite them as husband and wife once again.

Jude grabbed her bag, preparing to walk away in disgust at his inconceivable offer. "You're crazy! I wouldn't marry any man and share him! You are crazily stupid for even asking!" She twisted the soft leather handles of her bag in her hand, flinging her wrist, then the remainder of her arm through the large loops, swinging it against her upper arm as she stood up, leaving the chair that was once underneath her to scatter backwards.

She stormed out of the cafe, heading out onto the busy street and walking in the direction of her car. How dare he! How dare he! How could he even consider asking me something like that? First of all; No; and second of all; No! Crazy! Crazy, crazy, crazy! My God! Does he think I can just share whoever my husband is? Does he think I would agree to that in a million years? Does he not know me? My God! He got mad at me and asked me not to share my bed with my own husband, yet he expects me to marry him again and allow him to share mine and his life with some other woman! Subhanna'Allah, he has double standards!

Khalid chased after her, running out of the cafe and grabbing her hand, pulling on it as he urged her to stop and listen. He squeezed his hand around her wrist, tightening his grip on her bones. "Stop! Just stop and listen to me, please! Judie stop!" He finally got her to face him on the street, pulling her aside from the main part of the sidewalk, doing his best to convince her. "I know you need time to think to agree so I will let you..."

"Oh, how gracious of you Khalid! You will allow me time to answer your oh so fair and rewarding request!" She mocked, wanting to spit in his offendingly good looking face. "I will never agree to that! Not in a million years! Do you think you can just snap your fingers and I will come running to be some man's second wife? Do you think you can just collect wives?" She one hand on her hip, the other holding onto her bag, resisting the urge to bash him over the head with it.

"I love you." He said the only words he felt as he looked to the storm erupting on her face.

She lowered her voice, pointing in his face, ready to once again walk away. "You can love me all you want, but you can never add me to your collection." She walked away, his hand releasing her, letting her walk back to her car where she sat for a while before finishing off her shocked laughter, driving off back to her empty villa. Crazy! Absolutely not! How dare he!

She put one hand on her stomach, remembering that she didn't get a chance to tell him about the child. "Your daddy is crazy." She laughed, not knowing that he had followed her back to the house in his car.